Why we love.

Hi my name is Monica and I have an obsessive personality. I obsess about a specific concept or idea so much so that if it were a living being it would take the liberty of walking running full force off of a cliff just to escape my undying need to think about it, learn about it, plan around it, and do anything else pertaining to it that I possibly could.

This is probably why after twenty-something years I still cannot pinpoint exactly what I want to do with my life but that is a topic for another day.

This month’s topic of obsession is… drumroll please… the topic of love.
Surprise, surprise.

I have taken the liberty of doing some independent research just for the pure reason of interest and intrigue. In the last week I’ve spent hours watching interviews and documentaries about why we do what we do, why we love, and what kind of chemical reactions happen in that noggin of ours when we feel those deep feelings.

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For me, the way our brains work and essentially force us to feel the wrath of love is unquestionably interesting.

Of course there are aspects that really resonate with me when learning about the whole concept of that four-letter word, but what was most interesting was learning about Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who knows more about the topic than most of the American population combined. She is my spirit animal, for sure.

Anyways, this woman has investigated all the traits and characteristics that go into what makes someone love another person or what happens when they do, etc. She is definitely interesting and worth the Google search if you wanted to know more.

One thing she said that really stuck with me was

“People who are rejected in love will kill for it. People live for love, they kill for love, they die for love.”

When looking back at old literature, myths, artwork, and other ancient artifacts, the major concept is often that of love. It is not lust and sex drive that left us infamous stories like Romeo and Juliet, it is love and it is romance.  Romantic love is not just a feeling that we have it is literally a drive that we are compelled by and a part of our neurological makeup. It is something that is so powerful it leaves people mad.

Fisher went on to talk about the three major components of love:

  • lust (sexual gratification),
  • attachment (feelings of a union),
  • And attraction (romance).

Lust, attraction, and attachment can be intertwined or practiced with completely different people and I have seen and even experienced that, first-hand. There are people in my life that I love with every ounce of my soul; our family is the prime example. Of course we are not attracted to or lusting for our family members (by the way, that is prohibited in all fifty of the United States, with some minor exceptions #gross). Even in past relationships, I now understand that even though I may continue to have love for these individuals, I am not necessarily checking the boxes of lust or attraction and it is possible for friendships to remain if that is understood.  Most importantly, that is okay. We cannot control the way our mind works or why we feel all of these things for one person and maybe none for another.  Even scientists don’t have answers to the questions of “why him?” or “why not her?”

One part of our brain that becomes active with feelings of love displays the same patterns it would after a typical dose of strong cocaine. This force that acts as both a fuel for life and also utter destruction is natural and inevitable and a roller coaster we must all experience.  When it comes to romantic love, these reactions are going to happen with or without our consent and when they do they will sweep us off our feet or cause our world to implode on itself because it is such a strong and powerful emotion and we have no choice but to succumb to it.
So my week of TED talks and documentaries was eye opening and insightful and you would benefit to watch Helen Fisher’s speech if any of this strikes interest in you.  Which it should… because you too have a brain.

Why we love, Why we cheat

It’s been a weird day.

All week I have been stuck in this writers-block bubble and finding it impossible to break out of. It never helps that the dogs in my house have to play constantly throughout the day and at loud volumes that make it impossible have a single sensible thought. So today’s post is just a little view of the day’s events. It was a bit of an interesting one and I promise to leave out discussion of school work and classroom banter. Id like to officially thank one of my best friends, Laura, for making Ohio living manageable for me.  Without her I would most likely be seeking weekly counseling just to finish out my last few months in this hell hole.  So the majority of my morning was spent howling in laughter with her on my university campus as we read through articles, that are not necessarily appropriate to mention on this public forum, and as always i appreciated the taste of ice-cold coffee. But things got a bit more interesting after classes ended for the day.  I had errands to run but before I did that I decided today was the day to start a few different DIY projects.  Anyone who has ever shopped at Hobby Lobby knows how dangerous it is.  Especially for people like myself who live and breathe anything home decor.  So there I was wandering around without a purpose and spending money I don’t have on decorations for a house I don’t yet own.

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Lets not forget the project I completed for the dogs that continue to run my life.

My 1,000 toys are boring so I must dig a hole in my expensive bed

My 1,000 toys are boring so I must dig a hole in my expensive bed

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It ain’t perfect but it’s in one piece

But they’re so dang cute so I do it willingly. untitled-0811 My real purpose for my venture into society was just to run down the road to pick up some paperwork on my newly purchased car.  When I walked into the building I was greeted by a woman of interesting character.  She was there with a younger man, probably around thirty, and he was looking for a new “luxury” car while she waited patiently at the front desk where I was.  This woman must have been around sixty or seventy and was missing the majority of her teeth.  she was fashionable, so I will give her that, but there was definitely something off about her.  As she struck up a conversation with me I knew this short trip was bound to be memorable.  She began talking about how nicely I wore my scarf and how many ladies would never be able to pull such a thing off (flattery!).  And for whatever reason that put her on the topic of men and dating (it is my life we are talking about so go figure).  She continued to explain to me how the man she was with loved hanging out with older women like herself and that he was treating her to lunch that day.  She was joking with me but it was definitely uncomfortable when she brought up the idea of asking him if they could invite me along, as well.  When asked if we needed any assistance, another employee said she was with them, to which she exclaimed “I’m with everybody!” and, quite honestly, I’m not sure if she really knew the man she was with or if it was just a casual arrangement but I must say congratulations for a woman of such an age to score a handsome man because that’s something even myself, a young scarf rockin’ woman of intelligence, cannot seem to successfully do.  You go girl! untitled-0777 So tonight I relax, drink in hand, CNN on tv, amused with another day quickly passed.

 

 

I will most likely be limiting blog posts to once or twice a week from now on so don’t forget to subscribe and follow to be notified of new posts and comment with any thoughts or ideas!

 

xoxo
Monica

Dreams

Do you ever think back to what you wanted to be when you were younger?

I wanted to be a Veterinarian for the most part.  Also, I thought that I could be an author and would stay up late in the night scribbling out “novels” which were really just senseless notebook pages.

If you were to dig through the mounds of old keepsakes in my parent’s attic you could find my elementary school yearbook where I stated “I want to be a veterinarian” as my career goal.  For a nine-year old girl whose biggest problem was making sure little tommy didn’t find out I had a crush on him, something so complex as deciding what to do with the rest of my life was apparently such a simple idea.

But now here I am as a twenty-something year old on the brink of graduating from a four-year institution with no idea how to spend the rest of my life and my time is running out.  So where did that certainty and confidence disappear to?

What happened to the dreams and ambitions we had when we were young?  I am almost certain most of you thought something along the lines of “we grew up” or “welcome to reality and/or the real world” or something of the like.  Those are the things most of us are told time and time again.  But my questions is, why couldn’t we be those things we once wished for?  Why didn’t I pursue my dream of being an author or a veterinarian? Unless your dream was to become a dog, I refuse to settle for the explanation that growing up kills our dreams.

I was just reading an article about the same topic earlier today.
When we were young, adults embraced our crazy dreams and goals and told us we could do whatever we wanted to as long as we set our mind to it.  But the gears switched when we reached a certain age.  Suddenly our dreams of being rocks stars and astronauts became ridiculous and thoughtless concepts that we needed to outgrow.  We needed to get our head out of the clouds.

Now here I am more than ten years later wishing I pursued those dreams.  I wish that when I was growing up and going through my basic years of education that I didn’t lose the confidence to be whatever crazy dream I wanted to be.  They say the only regrets you’ll ever have are of the chances you didn’t take.

I blame society for telling me I needed to face reality and pick a career that would be in demand or guarantee employment and financial stability.  I blame myself for listening.  I blame myself for not taking a step back and focusing on who I am or who I wanted to become.  I blame myself for not working harder to fulfill those impossible or hard-to-achieve dreams.

I blame myself for eradicating those dreams.

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I could not, for the life of me, decide what I wanted to write about today.  I had some scribbles and rantings but nothing that inspired me.  So when I stumbled across my favorite Jack Kerouac quote on Pinterest I decided to dedicate today’s post to my favorite guy.

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 But that’s not all!

This led me to search for other JK posts on Pinterest.  Where I found this picture….

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Which seems weird and not exciting at all, right?..  Wrong!
I’m fairly certain its my arm.

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So there you have it…
I have either officially taken over the pinterest world or I am the only person that really cares that much about Jack Kerouac.
Or someone shares an identical tattoo with me.
Weird!!

Until tomorrow,

xoxo
Monica

Foregone Memories

I feel as if I should explain the recent events that got me to this position and have contributed to my growth as a person in the past few months of life.

I could subtly build up to it but I think ill just jump right in.

I was in a long-term, increasingly toxic, relationship with a stranger who happened to share a bedroom with me. I think that’s the most accurate way to sum up how I felt the last few months of it. Especially now, looking back, it was so utterly obvious how internally corrupt the relationship was and how hard I was holding onto what it used to be. The reality is, he couldn’t be that person for me anymore and I could no longer be that for him.

People change. That’s just the way the world works. And I think it should be embraced, honestly. In a relationship, both people are supposed to be supportive and encourage growth and adapt as each person changes over the years. When change happens so rapidly and communication fails and walls are put up it is impossible to make that system function. Corruption.

While I was in the relationship I thought completely and utterly that I was in love. Truthfully, it wasn’t “bad” by any means it just wasn’t “good”, at least not at the end. I realize now how much more I deserve and all the unfortunate things I put up with that no one deserves. I was fighting for attention and he was fighting for adventure and thrill and not the life of house chores and a daily routine and the same exhausted girlfriend greeting him at the front door.

I hope any person that is in a relationship where they can relate to this will step back and reevaluate how they see the next few years of their life panning out. I was holding on so hard to the concept of what my partner used to believe in and used to be. But that person was long gone. I had grown and matured and I wanted more than what he could give me. I don’t think he was prepared to grow up the way that I was. And that’s fine. Just not for me or my future.

I was waiting around and compromising and replacing happiness with insecurity and inadequacy. I was doing whatever I thought I was “supposed to do” to make my partner happy when in reality they no longer had an interest in returning that feeling to me. I accepted it and stuck around even when he told me he no longer thought marriage was important when I should have realized it just meant he no longer wanted to marry me.

I was naïve.

But I think we all have to be in at least one relationship where we let ourselves be naïve and fight and be exhausted. I can only imagine it will make me appreciate my next relationship more.

So now I’m here ranting all my grievances to you, friends and strangers. Life is looking up. I’m no longer stuck under a cloud of inferiority.  I’m embracing whatever comes my way both in life and love! All I am sure of in this life is that I have the best group of friends and family by my side and with them I can accomplish anything.

Most of all, happiness.

xoxo
Monica

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“I could hear my heart beating. I could hear everyone’s heart.”

For nearly four years I have been fine with being on my own in the world. Granted, I always have my family but they’re biologically obligated to love me. I’ve had many best friends and groups of friends and people I considered sorta friends.

But I think everyone eventually finds that one individual who will always be a little bit special. Even being separated by hundreds of miles and not seeing each other for months and months and months, my awe-inspiring friend Kaylen has always been connected to me through all life’s affairs. I think if there is one thing that we could each thank our ex-es for, it would be introducing us to each other. Though, I have confidence that us meeting was inevitable, regardless.

Throughout our friendship we’ve continuously been shocked by similarities and coincidences and the magnitude of values, beliefs, and life experiences we share in common. I would go into more detail but I could be here for hours listing the strange things we have discovered. My best friend was living in my backyard for years until an ex from Ohio introduced me to her. What are the chances! It’s the type of friendship that can withstand time and distance and anything in between and I am eternally grateful for that.

Anyways, today we both watched a movie entitled “Stuck in Love” which is where the title of this is derived from. While we both are entering this world of writing and blogging and trying to explore the macrocosm of romance and relationships, this movie hit home for both of us. I definitely recommend checking it out (It’s on Netflix, people!).

My last recommendation would be to check out Kaylen’s blog documenting her experiences as a single mother and everything in between. Here’s the link.

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That’s all for today.

Xoxo
Monica

It’s Not A Powerpoint Slide On Our Laptop Screens. It’s Netflix.

Senioritis hits again, this morning. I write to you all from the comfort of my classroom chair as my brain bleeds from excess boredom. Only twelve or so weeks until I bear cap and gown and say goodbye to undergraduate studies forever.

Its really discouraging to be so close to graduating after four years of hard work still unsure if that’s what you want to do for the rest of your life. That’s my situation completely. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to be graduating with a business degree and it will always be a valuable asset to me… but if I could go back and do it all over its likely I would have chosen a different path. Am I capable of being successful in this career path? Yes, definitely.  Will it make me happy for the duration of my life? To be determined.

If I could, I think I would stay in school forever taking any arbitrary course that peaked my interest but unfortunately I’m not prepared for the lifetime of sizable debt that would accompany that dream.

How any twenty-something year old knows what they want to do for the rest of forever is mind-boggling to me and I envy you! There are hundreds of things I would be interested in exploring but nothing that seems secure or that I know would make me happy for years and years to come.

But that’s never guaranteed for anyone…

Oh the woes of a graduating student.