#GIRLBOSS

You don’t get taken seriously by asking someone to take you seriously. You’ve got to show up and own it.

re·lax

• Attend school full-time
• Care for four crazy dogs
• Maintain my house
• Sell my house
• Pay off debt
• Exercise?! (ha, just kidding)
• Do everything on my own and by myself
• Somehow manage to work wherever I can squeeze it in.

As a young twenty-something year old that is quite a bit I have on my plate and it eventually takes a toll on a person.  Naturally, I cherish my moments of relaxation.  When I think about it, I can’t help but laugh a little bit because when I do manage to relax and unwind, I’m often yelling at myself on the inside for being so super-duper lazy….

So I have a few traditional things that I do to relax and unwind.  First and foremost, Netflix, a movie, or catching up on my go-to TV shows.  Next option is a steaming hot bath paired with candles, a book, and dim lighting.  Third option (which should really just be filed under the imagination category) is a good solid uninterrupted nap.  That uninterrupted part is an extreme rarity when you have four large, young, high-energy dogs living under your roof (but i love um!).  No matter which option I pick, I’m usually pairing it with some sort of skin care and personal spa-like treatments (if I can find the time).

Recently, I discovered  Weleda Skin Food and it has been an absolutely amazing asset during these winter months and the inevitable dry skin that accompanies them.

Now I am a survivor of horrible skin and scarring acne so I am always trying to find new and better-quality products that won’t harm or irritate my skin or promote break-outs.  I have been using Weleda skin food (which is an all-over lotion) on my face for about a week now and I am in love! My skin feels rich and supple and I have even been using it for an under-eye cream at night to help with the undeniable dark circles and bags that have just made themselves comfortable as a part of my life.

This stuff is packed with great ingredients like oils from Sunflower Seed and Rosemary, Almond oil, Beeswax, and most importantly, Chamomile.  It has a relatively strong citrus-y smell but I think it’s wonderful, personally, and if I read correctly it is just because of the natural herby ingredients in this miracle potion!

I have had no complaints other than the fact that it can be a bit oily but that is only if you are using far too much product.  A little goes a very long way with this stuff.  I’ve used it as a night cream and even under my makeup during the day just allowing it time to soak in.  I love every bit of it with extra emphasis on the healthy glow it gives my problematic skin.

Best part is, this miracle-in-a-tube is only $14.

Check it out here .

And while you do that I will be enjoying these five-minute of quite time before I hit the hay and prepare for another crazy day of to-do lists.

xoxo
Monica

Why we love.

Hi my name is Monica and I have an obsessive personality. I obsess about a specific concept or idea so much so that if it were a living being it would take the liberty of walking running full force off of a cliff just to escape my undying need to think about it, learn about it, plan around it, and do anything else pertaining to it that I possibly could.

This is probably why after twenty-something years I still cannot pinpoint exactly what I want to do with my life but that is a topic for another day.

This month’s topic of obsession is… drumroll please… the topic of love.
Surprise, surprise.

I have taken the liberty of doing some independent research just for the pure reason of interest and intrigue. In the last week I’ve spent hours watching interviews and documentaries about why we do what we do, why we love, and what kind of chemical reactions happen in that noggin of ours when we feel those deep feelings.

For me, the way our brains work and essentially force us to feel the wrath of love is unquestionably interesting.

Of course there are aspects that really resonate with me when learning about the whole concept of that four-letter word, but what was most interesting was learning about Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who knows more about the topic than most of the American population combined. She is my spirit animal, for sure.

Anyways, this woman has investigated all the traits and characteristics that go into what makes someone love another person or what happens when they do, etc. She is definitely interesting and worth the Google search if you wanted to know more.

One thing she said that really stuck with me was

“People who are rejected in love will kill for it. People live for love, they kill for love, they die for love.”

When looking back at old literature, myths, artwork, and other ancient artifacts, the major concept is often that of love. It is not lust and sex drive that left us infamous stories like Romeo and Juliet, it is love and it is romance.  Romantic love is not just a feeling that we have it is literally a drive that we are compelled by and a part of our neurological makeup. It is something that is so powerful it leaves people mad.

Fisher went on to talk about the three major components of love:

• lust (sexual gratification),
• attachment (feelings of a union),
• And attraction (romance).

Lust, attraction, and attachment can be intertwined or practiced with completely different people and I have seen and even experienced that, first-hand. There are people in my life that I love with every ounce of my soul; our family is the prime example. Of course we are not attracted to or lusting for our family members (by the way, that is prohibited in all fifty of the United States, with some minor exceptions #gross). Even in past relationships, I now understand that even though I may continue to have love for these individuals, I am not necessarily checking the boxes of lust or attraction and it is possible for friendships to remain if that is understood.  Most importantly, that is okay. We cannot control the way our mind works or why we feel all of these things for one person and maybe none for another.  Even scientists don’t have answers to the questions of “why him?” or “why not her?”

One part of our brain that becomes active with feelings of love displays the same patterns it would after a typical dose of strong cocaine. This force that acts as both a fuel for life and also utter destruction is natural and inevitable and a roller coaster we must all experience.  When it comes to romantic love, these reactions are going to happen with or without our consent and when they do they will sweep us off our feet or cause our world to implode on itself because it is such a strong and powerful emotion and we have no choice but to succumb to it.
So my week of TED talks and documentaries was eye opening and insightful and you would benefit to watch Helen Fisher’s speech if any of this strikes interest in you.  Which it should… because you too have a brain.

Why we love, Why we cheat

It’s been a weird day.

All week I have been stuck in this writers-block bubble and finding it impossible to break out of. It never helps that the dogs in my house have to play constantly throughout the day and at loud volumes that make it impossible have a single sensible thought. So today’s post is just a little view of the day’s events. It was a bit of an interesting one and I promise to leave out discussion of school work and classroom banter. Id like to officially thank one of my best friends, Laura, for making Ohio living manageable for me.  Without her I would most likely be seeking weekly counseling just to finish out my last few months in this hell hole.  So the majority of my morning was spent howling in laughter with her on my university campus as we read through articles, that are not necessarily appropriate to mention on this public forum, and as always i appreciated the taste of ice-cold coffee. But things got a bit more interesting after classes ended for the day.  I had errands to run but before I did that I decided today was the day to start a few different DIY projects.  Anyone who has ever shopped at Hobby Lobby knows how dangerous it is.  Especially for people like myself who live and breathe anything home decor.  So there I was wandering around without a purpose and spending money I don’t have on decorations for a house I don’t yet own.

Lets not forget the project I completed for the dogs that continue to run my life.

My 1,000 toys are boring so I must dig a hole in my expensive bed

It ain’t perfect but it’s in one piece

But they’re so dang cute so I do it willingly. My real purpose for my venture into society was just to run down the road to pick up some paperwork on my newly purchased car.  When I walked into the building I was greeted by a woman of interesting character.  She was there with a younger man, probably around thirty, and he was looking for a new “luxury” car while she waited patiently at the front desk where I was.  This woman must have been around sixty or seventy and was missing the majority of her teeth.  she was fashionable, so I will give her that, but there was definitely something off about her.  As she struck up a conversation with me I knew this short trip was bound to be memorable.  She began talking about how nicely I wore my scarf and how many ladies would never be able to pull such a thing off (flattery!).  And for whatever reason that put her on the topic of men and dating (it is my life we are talking about so go figure).  She continued to explain to me how the man she was with loved hanging out with older women like herself and that he was treating her to lunch that day.  She was joking with me but it was definitely uncomfortable when she brought up the idea of asking him if they could invite me along, as well.  When asked if we needed any assistance, another employee said she was with them, to which she exclaimed “I’m with everybody!” and, quite honestly, I’m not sure if she really knew the man she was with or if it was just a casual arrangement but I must say congratulations for a woman of such an age to score a handsome man because that’s something even myself, a young scarf rockin’ woman of intelligence, cannot seem to successfully do.  You go girl! So tonight I relax, drink in hand, CNN on tv, amused with another day quickly passed.

 

 

I will most likely be limiting blog posts to once or twice a week from now on so don’t forget to subscribe and follow to be notified of new posts and comment with any thoughts or ideas!

 

xoxo
Monica

Dreams

Do you ever think back to what you wanted to be when you were younger?

I wanted to be a Veterinarian for the most part.  Also, I thought that I could be an author and would stay up late in the night scribbling out “novels” which were really just senseless notebook pages.

If you were to dig through the mounds of old keepsakes in my parent’s attic you could find my elementary school yearbook where I stated “I want to be a veterinarian” as my career goal.  For a nine-year old girl whose biggest problem was making sure little tommy didn’t find out I had a crush on him, something so complex as deciding what to do with the rest of my life was apparently such a simple idea.

But now here I am as a twenty-something year old on the brink of graduating from a four-year institution with no idea how to spend the rest of my life and my time is running out.  So where did that certainty and confidence disappear to?

What happened to the dreams and ambitions we had when we were young?  I am almost certain most of you thought something along the lines of “we grew up” or “welcome to reality and/or the real world” or something of the like.  Those are the things most of us are told time and time again.  But my questions is, why couldn’t we be those things we once wished for?  Why didn’t I pursue my dream of being an author or a veterinarian? Unless your dream was to become a dog, I refuse to settle for the explanation that growing up kills our dreams.

I was just reading an article about the same topic earlier today.
When we were young, adults embraced our crazy dreams and goals and told us we could do whatever we wanted to as long as we set our mind to it.  But the gears switched when we reached a certain age.  Suddenly our dreams of being rocks stars and astronauts became ridiculous and thoughtless concepts that we needed to outgrow.  We needed to get our head out of the clouds.

Now here I am more than ten years later wishing I pursued those dreams.  I wish that when I was growing up and going through my basic years of education that I didn’t lose the confidence to be whatever crazy dream I wanted to be.  They say the only regrets you’ll ever have are of the chances you didn’t take.

I blame society for telling me I needed to face reality and pick a career that would be in demand or guarantee employment and financial stability.  I blame myself for listening.  I blame myself for not taking a step back and focusing on who I am or who I wanted to become.  I blame myself for not working harder to fulfill those impossible or hard-to-achieve dreams.

I blame myself for eradicating those dreams.

Foregone Memories

I feel as if I should explain the recent events that got me to this position and have contributed to my growth as a person in the past few months of life.

I could subtly build up to it but I think ill just jump right in.

I was in a long-term, increasingly toxic, relationship with a stranger who happened to share a bedroom with me. I think that’s the most accurate way to sum up how I felt the last few months of it. Especially now, looking back, it was so utterly obvious how internally corrupt the relationship was and how hard I was holding onto what it used to be. The reality is, he couldn’t be that person for me anymore and I could no longer be that for him.

People change. That’s just the way the world works. And I think it should be embraced, honestly. In a relationship, both people are supposed to be supportive and encourage growth and adapt as each person changes over the years. When change happens so rapidly and communication fails and walls are put up it is impossible to make that system function. Corruption.

While I was in the relationship I thought completely and utterly that I was in love. Truthfully, it wasn’t “bad” by any means it just wasn’t “good”, at least not at the end. I realize now how much more I deserve and all the unfortunate things I put up with that no one deserves. I was fighting for attention and he was fighting for adventure and thrill and not the life of house chores and a daily routine and the same exhausted girlfriend greeting him at the front door.

I hope any person that is in a relationship where they can relate to this will step back and reevaluate how they see the next few years of their life panning out. I was holding on so hard to the concept of what my partner used to believe in and used to be. But that person was long gone. I had grown and matured and I wanted more than what he could give me. I don’t think he was prepared to grow up the way that I was. And that’s fine. Just not for me or my future.

I was waiting around and compromising and replacing happiness with insecurity and inadequacy. I was doing whatever I thought I was “supposed to do” to make my partner happy when in reality they no longer had an interest in returning that feeling to me. I accepted it and stuck around even when he told me he no longer thought marriage was important when I should have realized it just meant he no longer wanted to marry me.

I was naïve.

But I think we all have to be in at least one relationship where we let ourselves be naïve and fight and be exhausted. I can only imagine it will make me appreciate my next relationship more.

So now I’m here ranting all my grievances to you, friends and strangers. Life is looking up. I’m no longer stuck under a cloud of inferiority.  I’m embracing whatever comes my way both in life and love! All I am sure of in this life is that I have the best group of friends and family by my side and with them I can accomplish anything.

Most of all, happiness.

xoxo
Monica

Hello World…

I will begin my clichéd plea for classic romance by saying… I am rapidly losing hope. I will explain the details of my past romantics at a later time, but to introduce my premise for this page I will explain my current bone-wrenching frustrations with this societal practice we call dating.

I would not say that I am a girl who lusts for a fairytale romance or a Prince Charming. I really just desire a healthy partnership with someone who will lift me up when I’m down and stand by me even when life deals me its most difficult hand. Lately it is appearing that a relationship of that sort is not just hard to come by, but hard to make a long-term part of one’s life.

I never grew up with the desire to date multiple people or “experiment” or “see what else was out there”. I have always thought in my deepest of thoughts that dating was a process done to find a husband and a long-term partner in crime. I have always desired a family and recently having children has been a growing desire of mine and the clock is tick-tick-ticking!

When I look around at the other girls & boys / men & women (I can’t determine which is more appropriate) of my age, I feel a sense that I am stuck in the wrong generation filled with people who share completely different values and beliefs than I do when it comes to a family and marriage. I feel so strongly about these things and turn around to see and feel the effects of loveless romance and unsurpassable amounts of infidelity. Am I alone on these expectations of family life by age twenty-something? Do people my age just not care anymore?

I have only found a few other humans my age that share these same views that I do. My best friend who has experienced such similar experiences as my own… even she is now left to raise a child as a single mother.  Another friend of mine just found out she will be in a similar situation soon, too. While they are left with the blessing of beautiful daughters there is still the obvious evidence that too many people of my generation are failing to step up to the plate of adulthood and think about family life and responsibilities and the importance of relationships.

Us hopeless romantics are shriveling up like some sort of natural selection experiment.

All I am asking is… what has happened? Why do people not see the importance of these things the way I see them, anymore? Will I ever find what I am looking for or is it purely an antiquated concept…